Typical High School Love

Staff Writer: Sydney Torres

With love in the air this Valentine’s season, it is easy to get swept up in it all. Many of you ladies and gents may be tempted to go out and splurge on a gift for your current romantic prospects. However it is in your best interest to spare yourself the time, money and energy. Quite frankly most of your crushes would probably be offended by this gesture, so you should probably take a different route.

Fellas, when trying to impress a lady, it is crucial that you play hard to get. Success in wooing her is more likely if you completely ignore her. In turn, the honeys will swarm to you. When this happens, you are ready for stage two. This entails creating a concoction of back-handed compliments and misogynistic slurs to spill on your love interest. The flattery will be at an all-time high at this point, leading to the final step: total humiliation. By ruining a girls social life, she will in turn have only one thing left on her pretty little mind, and that thing is YOU.

Ladies, if it is a boy you want it is a boy you shall get. In order to accomplish this, however, it will take a slight amount of work on your part. First things first, you must throw yourself at him, only to rip yourself away when he starts to get attached. Breaking his heart is the only way to secure it. Next, it is time to talk about yourself (and only yourself) whenever you are in his presence. This is the only real way for him to figure out how truly amazing you are! Now the only thing left to do is smother him with jealousy, and you can officially call him yours!

Now that it has been made clear the best way to handle and possible relationships, I hope all you little love birds take my advice on the subject! Happy flirting!


  1. Doris McBride says:

    This reeks of sarcasm and salt and I love it

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