Surviving High School

Staff Writer: J’ai Ewing

One frequently asked question I get from freshman is how to safely and conveniently walk through the halls. “So, if I ask how to walk down the halls safety for your article I’ll get $20?”- Caden MacCallum, student, freshman. “What does the “J” in J Mark Smith stand for?” Brannen Hadley, student, senior. “Wait we have a school newspaper?”, every other person who I’ve asked. After hearing these questions and doing some soul searching I’ve decided to make a list of how to survive high school. Follow these simple rules to make your woodcock high school career simply the best of the best.

The do’s of surviving high school

-When walking down the halls make sure to walk slowly. Walk slow enough that someone with two broken hands in a wheel chair with a bent wheel could potentially pass you. Who cares if there is people behind you trying to get to class? They are nerds who are just trying to get an education. Who cares of your going to be late? Take your time you can’t be late twice. You don’t like the class anyway no point on trying to get there on time.

-When stalking the halls in the breeze ways, let it be known that you are in a relationship. Make sure when you’re with your future husband or wife to spend every moment in the halls with them because you could never see them again. Always make a point to make out as long as humanly possible, who cares if it makes everyone around you uncomfortable? Life is short and so will be your relationship… I mean if course you will spend the rest of your life with this person.

-When you’re in class always be on the phone. Teachers love to see their students researching and reviewing notes while they are teaching, and if you happen to slip in a text or a snapchat they won’t care, why would they don’t get paid enough to tell you to argue with you anyway.

-Make it a point to sleep in class as much as possible. Sleeping is known to give the brain a break which will make you more alert in the long run. Sleep when the teacher is teaching, sleep when the class is reviewing, sleep when you’re supposed to be writing an article for journalism, everyone knows you have a massive workload as a student just sleep your problems away.

-The soda machines are probably one of the single most important things in the halls. If you see someone taking their time deciding on what they want, and you happen to notice they have already put in their money just press a button for them. They will apricate your choice to help them make a decision, and if they don’t like your choice oh well, you were waiting for 5 minutes anyway.

-Probably the single most important piece of advice I can give is to procrastinate everything. Never study it’s been scientifically proven that when you study your mind throws out what you learned. Go in for a test open minded and clear headed. Prepare for that speech at the last minute. Write a paper the day its due. Live by these words and high school will be a breeze. “Due tomorrow? No. Do tomorrow.”

This list has been proven to work for any student trying to survive high school, and this is just the bare minimum! Follow these steps and life will reward you handsomely.

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